How do I love myself?

When am I so mean in my head?

Do you ever stop to listen to your internal dialogue?

Mine used to sound like this:

Why did you say that?

OMG what are they going to think of you?

You always mess things up.

“Nobody cares!”

This will never work out ” etc.

These are called Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) and they will make you miserable if you do not take control of your mind.|

Trying to learn to love yourself when listening to that negative chatter is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it – a complete waste of time.

So what do you do?

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Practice being present in the moment, simply focusing on my breath as I breathe in and out, helps me to get out of my head and into my body. Spending time in the past has no value, if there was a lesson to learn, acknowledge it and move on. How does berating yourself for something you did help you now?

I would like to offer this perspective – nothing happens to us, it all happens for our growth and development, so look for your lesson and move on.

When thinking about the future, what do you expect? The best possible outcome or a shit storm? Being present and expecting a positive outcome is the only way to have a peaceful experience.

Understanding the way your brain works – we are hardwired for negative thinking – in the early days this kept us safe. Our caveman ancestors lived in a world where many things could and did kill them.

When you practice being present you can question all of your thoughts: Is this true? Is this a fact? Is there another option?

When we are in negative thinking we are operating from our fight or flight response. That means we have tunnel vision – there is no creative thinking, there is only one option.

I read this so many times before I understood what this meant. I have had a few challenges in my life and for years I thought the only options were A or B. As I became more peaceful and happy it was like a mist cleared and all of a sudden there were all these paths that were perfectly acceptable.


Because happiness is a state of mind and has nothing to do with external circumstances. When you are positive, you are free to be creative and you can see and create more options.

Loving yourself is a process. Introduce one thing at a time. For the next week I want you to catch yourself and listen to the way you speak to yourself. Don’t worry if you are already down the rabbit hole of negativity when you realise, stop take a breathe and ask yourself:

  1. Is this true, these things I am saying to myself – am I telling myself the truth?
  2. If these things are not true – what is?
  3. Would I talk to someone I love like that?
  4. If I was talking to someone I love in this situation, what would I be saying to them?

Every time you catch yourself giving yourself a hard time, ask yourself those 4 questions above. Try it and leave your comment below, I read all of them.

If you would like to take the conversation further let’s have “coffee”.

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